Aside from initial physical attraction, I’d say the next most attractive trait in a guy (or girl) is the ability to have deep meaningful conversations from time to time. I’m not saying you have to be serious 24/7, but at least have an opinion about current events and be able to share it in a conversation without being arrogant or a know-it-all or egotistical. I say every now and then because sometimes these conversations can turn into “did you hear about” competitions (at least for me and my family).
I like this trait right after confidence and being funny because this is what the quiet moments are made of. Sharing thoughts and ideas and opinions with someone you’re interested in. Not only interested in their lives, but interested in their perspective on life.
Being attracted to intellectuals is one thing, but what about being attracted to someone who is just very curious about life and may not be the smartest person but is definitely open to learning? That’s also something to admire.
Engaging in some healthy debate or providing a different way of looking at a topic is so good for mental stimulation. I feel like it really solidifies the bond between two people. Some studies even suggest an evolutionary reason women are drawn by intellect.
Women are attracted to intelligence because their ovaries can sense that choosing a smart mate means a better chance of having babies. Women are all about getting the best sperm to make their babies. If you like his brain, you’re going to like his sperm.
I know people who’ve said they actually strive not to have deep conversations, that they would rather spend their time being happy and making others happy. For example, some people would rather not watch or read anything to do with the news because it’s too depressing and sad or scary. But to me, just like everything else in life, a little moderation is good. Headline skimming can keep you informed without actually “ingesting” too much of the negativity, and only reading more in-depth based on topics you find most interesting. So for me personally, the police brutality reports in the United States was becoming way too overwhelming for my spirit, so I stopped reading or watching them in detail.
There are other people who would rather their partners not be as informed or intellectual because of experiences in the past where others were snobby about their “superior knowledge”. It can be quite intimidating and annoying. I always believe in introspection (check yourself before you wreck yourself!) so make sure you’re ego isn’t what’s being bruised by not knowing something.
If not, and you find people are being arrogant about knowing things, and aren’t really interested in respectfully sharing opinions and having healthy debate, then these aren’t people who you need to have deep conversations with. Add some distance in that aspect.
After the healthy debate, if you disagree on points, it’s also good if you can set that aside and continue to have a fun, light spirited relationship or friendship, no hard feelings, grudges, or judgement.
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